I Just Wanted The Room To Stop Spinning...

I wanted to sleep but the world had different plans...
Every time I closed my eyes to seek peace to escape the world the room would spin and careen out of control and since I couldn't sleep with my eyes open well we had a problem.....

How do i escape when the very world itself whats me to participate why is it when you feel that you need peace the actions of your past always keep you awake.... why is the world so funny? Why is it that it can show you this beautiful thing with insurmountable and unequivocal potential and then tell you that you cant have it..........
....................Why is it that sometimes you really do think that God is a little kid with a magnifying glass and all you can do is watch him burn your legs off just so he can see you crawl...........

All i really wanted was the world to stop spinning so i could sleep and start all over again with something new because each day is exposed to bring a new dawn of hope ( hahahaha ) these are thing i use to live by but now I'm scared that i don't really believe in them anymore............

Smiles and Smoke...

I really don't know but when ever I'm on the Metro I try to smile at people because I think that you could be having the worst day and if somebody smiles at you things just might get that much better... And like a stated earlier in this blog smiles are a lot of times fake or merely a defense mechanism but damn people a fucking smile could make the difference in somebodies life...

... I was having a fucking horribly day and was on the Metro for what seemed like hours and not one person cared to smile or even smirk... which sucked... So i got off the Metro and walked to a 7 Eleven and bought a pack of fucking Newports 100's and walked around Capitol Hill til about five them were gone... and this was the first time a had smoked in months and it felt so good and i felt so much better that I smiled all the way home.

Dear Prudence

Dear Prudence,
I just got finish watching the Notebook.....so bare with me but, It scared me and i know this tends to be a reoccurring them in this blog but it happens to me more than I'd like to mention. This movie just made me think about how much i want someone to love , how i wake up every morning and my skin yearns for the touch a somebody and how my heart overflows with this passion...but with no one to give it to it turns bitter. And people don't get twisted I'm not a hormone driver teenager looking for someone to fuck. I want someone that when i call them at three in the morning they don't ask me why am i calling them............they tell me what took me so long.......fuck physically its a lesser emotion ........( and yes i want this too, but i can live without it)....And i know sex is fun it should be but love is immortal it transcends time and all other pains..............fuck i know this is cheesy but what am i to do .......... i really want to be like those girls in the movies and have a boy be so in love with me it makes him drop to his knees...........................but we all know life isn't a movie and if you spend it looking for one ...........you'll see the world from your window admiring what beauty you could have had...................yes i love him yes a care but in this world that means nothing.
Your Dear Friend,

Private Party #1

I had a Private Party a few days ago...........(oh just as a side note I'll try to write more regularly)..........away it was just Me, My Angels, And my Computer and I was thinking about stuff because recently boredom leads to deep thought with me....it also leads to late nights too but that's a different story.. Anyway I'm lying awake and thinking about how everyone in the world has had a moment that they have felt completely alone or like their world is just in utter disarray.....but if everyone in the world has had this feeling then why should we feel alone. Somewhere out their somebody else is going through what your going through so suck it up and move.....
..........Don't get me wrong I'm all for being with your pain and listening to sad music but there will come a day when you just need to get the hell out of your house and do something. If you cant live for yourself than who can you live for......Put on your I-pod and take a walk..get on the Metro....or go see a movie just be you...............And trust me i kn ow its never as easy as it sounds but the day i learned to do it i was infinitely happier................
.........btw because I'll be writing more often my entries might not be as profound.

The Only Thing Thats Constant In Life..Is Change

I think I'll start this with a story....

...There is an old Greek legend...it starts around the time humans first received fire from the gods, because of this Zeus becomes jealous and as a punishment to all of humanity he splits our souls in two and scatters them around the earth...so that we would continual walk around incomplete searching for our...soul mate....

I only say this because last year i found mine and recently he left me. Through not fault of his own it was just how life works nothing can ever become fixed or dare i say normal..it must change and remain dynamic no matter how hard it is on the people that are living.... But I'm not bitter because life seems to come and uproot everything when you just become accustom to it. It keeps thing fresh and allows people to reinvent themselves....and i use to envy people who had it simple and constant but I almost pity them because if it wasn't for the life that I've had i really don't know what kind of person i would be today.......
BTW...
...sorry this took so long to come and 1/2 i miss you.