Death And Resurrection

So life has been just as crazy as ever things are rolling along money is of course tight... i think most of my friends have abandoned me for greener pastures but hey people say if you really love someting you have to let it go, anf if it comes back then you really know that it was meant to be :)
Though the point of my little post today is the current campaigns to gain money for HIV/AIDS research and help programs. Several "stars" including the luv of my life and future wifey Alicia Keys have started "dying" digitally. This simply meaning that they won't post facebook, blog, and twitter updates until their goal of goal is reached as far as monetary collection.
The thought I’m and pretty sure the motive behind it is beautiful honest and true... I just think that it’s really sad that you have to remove something that is really a blessing to us (digital media) to drum up a strong enough effort to support a cause that should never be short of funding... These stars are really blackmailing the mass populace in an attempt to help actual needed people within our own country and abroad.







I guess the Alchemist really had it right, everything in life is equivalent exchange... you really cant get something form nothing...
Will We Ever Be Able To Give Freely From Our Own Selfs... Without Motive Otherwise???

They Just Wanna Be Held

My life has been pretty normal recently... it’s that time of year when my money runs low and my spirit is lifted by my friends and family... you know the leaves have changed and the weather can’t make up its mind between winter, fall, and ridiculous...
... So of course between my friends giving me energy shots my mind tends to wonder about life and my status within the world. So what I’ve come to realize is that I’m really a little lonely... I’m not sure why but have you ever gotten the feeling that you could be surrounded by the best friends in the world and still feel very much alone in the world... I’ve come to the realization that I just wanna be held... Or hold someone, which if you read this blog enough or even know me that am not too far out of character...

...But for some reason this time I really mean it... I’ve had love come and go throughout my entire life... the thing is I’m really ready for it to stick and stay... it’s one thing to have and know that you are some kinda wonderful... but to share that and receive it from somebody is a completely different kinda something...
I’ll get through this I guess that a little sex will help and you know I’ll get by with little help from my friends... Let me think about how to say this so I can make my Sociology teacher proud... Maybe I just need some good old fashion Homosocial interaction... in all reality that might quell this urge to settle down all of a sudden. Like I said earlier it might just be the weather... I’ve always thought that winter was a season for shacking up so to speak... and I mean no ill will to people who think they are in love and happy... but come the warm summer sun and shedding of the winter coats and half of you will break up....
Am I really bitter? Or Are These Feelings An Inevitability of Life??

Take Another Little Piece of My Heart...

It been a long time since I’ve written on this and a lot has happened both good and bad to me. So this is just the most recent of a few retro posts that I’m going to be needing to write... This came to my mind recently about how I feel pretty torn apart over the recent events in our country and my whole personal life...Each thing seems to be taking a piece of my heart with it...

.... The first and seemingly most pressing thing is the sudden loss of life within the community. People cross our country seem to have reached their breaking point and can’t seem to stand the life they are within. The thing that really hurts my heart is that it’s something that people could address and change. People are dying because they are gay and feel that no one in the world understand or cares for the person they are... and what makes this even worst is that the people dying are babies... teenagers barely coming into their own self identities... I want to change their minds I want them to listen to what I have to say because just like my favorite Radio personality use to say "If no one told you they love you today... you better believe I do".....
........ The second piece of me that I feel is slipping away from me is that... well I'm getting so ready to be selfish in my life. I think that I try extremely hard to make sure that the people around me are happy, that I forget my own needs. And even to the point where I will significantly hinder my own happiness for someone else... I like doing things for other people but I think at this level in my life I need some kind of reciprocity or I’m going to drive myself into the ground... I mean I’m always going to be there for you a phone call, text, or email away from helping you but I don’t know I can shell out the money anymore to support what you need until I can get myself back to a stable position.. Because without even being selfish if I fall apart I won’t be a help to any of my friends... And I think without some kind of selfishness I think I might loss my true friends and develop toxic relationships with leeches...
...... The final thing pulling at my heart is my writing... I legitimately think that I’m ready to start writing again... things keep coming to me in class, on busses and trains, and at work I think it’s time to put pen to paper and tell another story. I've even seriously considered starting a Tumblr just for my writing... If I do you guys will be the first people to know... Like I said before this is the first of many post about the last couple of weeks things have been crazy... emotionally, financially, and maybe on some deeper level spiritual... Why Is It That You Never Question Your Heart's Strength Until You Need It The Most?