Its Cold Outside

Well to tell you the truth its cold in here... I dont know what to tell you i just feel like no matter how far i get i have to take like three steps back... and i know its always the same people saying it well thats because they actually have reason for it and i think the world should fix it... what ever happened to karma and the world balancing itself... I guess it just takes longer than most people think it does... but hey one step at time... Anyway on a lighter note the semester is almost over and im soon to be in warming climates...

We Were Only Seventeen And His Eyes Were Green...

Nothing special has happen except i got extremely lucky as far as my classes... can you extension on a paper... But i better new Tamyra Gray what happened to her i miss all her music... so ofcourse i went on a musical deep dive and submerse myself in all of her good stuff... :-)

!!! Update !!!

Wow guys it has been forever since I've written on this blog... . . . . . . . . my life have gone through so many ups and downs and changes. I have grown and developed in ways that I cant even fully comprehend. I've been through high confessions with friends and back seat epiphanies with family. I've watch someone take there own life and gained a little brother in one way or another. I've been skiing in NYC and been able to see the world upside down and inside out… I've been homeless and lived off of friends slumming it and now rent my own apartment. This year has been crazy and there have been days when I didn’t know how to deal, so I just shut down….. . . . . . .
. . .. . . . . I've learned how are my real friends-- people who instead of asking where have you been …………….tell me to call them so they can come to me--- People who say stay as long as you need instead of when are you leaving-- IDK … I complained last year about how nobody seemed to change or grow as a person, well I got my wish people changed not all of the changes were for the better but, hey they will eventually find their ways……….. ........
. . . . . . . . . . Just like im finding mine… I also promise to keep you guys updated on how things change….

Fear

To quote one of my favorite singers "I'm not afraid of Lions and Tigers and Bear but im afraid...
... you see people i go back to school in like a week and for once in my life my school is paid for and i mean paid for everything is done which I'm really thankful for... but of course nothing in my life can be simple so i don't have a place to live and i don't have the money to get a place but i refuse not to go to school so where does that leave me... Asking for help.. i hate to ask for help its just extremely hard for me because I'm supposed to be able to control my own life and i know i cant control everything but I'm supposed to be able to get my own money and work and go to school that's how i want my life to be independent of everybody else....
.... But we all know that life just doesn't work that way and i have to find a way to live with the help of others so I'm sitting in my room mentally going crazy because i have to call my friends and family and tell them that I'm too poor to have a place to live and i need to live off of them til i can get my shit together... makes you feel all warm and tingly right... but whatever its just going to be a crazy and very interesting few weeks in NYC and hopefully i can keep myself together long enough to make it til i have my own place...we shall see and of course ill keep you updated...
...So ill end how i began with a quote from Alicia Keys "If Your Troubled... You Just Gotta Let It Go"...

Drinks,Twinks, And So Much More....

Well basically with help of one of my best friends I've broken into the group of people we so fondly refer to as the DC Gays..........Most of them are really cool guys and the girls they associate with are usually really cool too.. So how the relationship works is we are kinda younger than most of them but the actually treat us like we're equals cause you know i try my hardest to avoid, all things petty, childish, and around immature...
... the cool thing is that all of these guys are part of the club scene so i get ti see them at least twice a week and thanks to them this summer has been full of adventures and experiences that are beyond what i ever would have thought that i would be able to get to at my age... especially because the way i was raised i tend to be on the later curve of alot both mentally and physically but trust i always end at head of the class.... Anyway back to the structure of the group we usually club and then socialize outside of the club, this leads to pizza and drinks. And then we head back to "the spot" which is all I'll call it at this point. And various activities go on mostly revolving around free drinks and music...
... But its been a blast getting to know these people and evolving from the "Extra" as some people would try to refer to me as to the "Main Event." Anyway much love people and ill see wear this all heads...

Job Fail

Okay this was not my fault but i only had this job for all of two day. It started out being really cool, but i knew it was trouble from the start because it wasn't what it promised to be. It turned out to be a canvasing job in the DC/Metro area. Which meant i would be walking around in the blazing heat for hours at a time trying to solicit money from people in Silver Spring. People in silver spring have money but not enough to give away......... Then on top of all that those people were so distrusting of me being 1. Under Age and 2. Black that alot of them didn't even want to open the door. And i also love the line that they don't give money across the door when I'm holding records saying they have given to my company for the last 3-5 years across the door....How is that supposed to make me feel????.......

...............So of course i didn't make quota and they were like we don't want you to come back, but the only thing is the contract i signed said that i had three days to make quota but no argument from me i really wasn't cut out for that job...........but there was a silver lining i did make 125 dollars.... :-)

<<<<<<<< Summer >>>>>>>>>

Hey guys this is me starting to write on my blog again i know its been awile but hey its summer and ive been busy....Soooo the next couple of post before school starts back up are going to sum up whats been happening to me........

I know He Hates Me

I was out with the best wing man ever.........he will go nameless but just know that he is......... anyway we had just left the club and ended up at this guys house and were relaxing in his loft...anyway he had a weird interaction with one of my best friends and was asking me if my friend hated him.......




...................And i was explaining to him that he really didnt hate him, the thing is whether he hated him or not was not the point,he was making these outrageous assumptions.........and thing is he did exactly what most people do they take the first 13 seconds of an interaction and use that to define a person its happened to me my whole life and 90 percent of the time the are dead wrong about the person i am and the person i wan to be.......


......The thing is people are a lot deeper than the appear to be and most the people you meet u never see the person they really are because its a lot harder to let somebody in and everyone should know that.

Sixteen Candles....(Plus 3 More)

Lets just say i had a really good last adventure in NYC..... We took out one of my best friends to this sushi place in the city. We smuggled a cake all the way from Queens into the restaurant without her even knowing... thank god for tunnel vision......anyway after the tempura was served and Merlot was poured.... out came the cake and down came her tears.......it was such a great night...it solidified our friendship and set the tone for parties for years to come......
.............btw I love u guys and i will miss u......

Woof.........

Lets just say that i have a new job...... and it takes me exotic places like Manhattan, and Brooklyn.....and way life has slowly started to come together and fall apart all at the same time......
.....It like you plug one hole and three pop up but look at it this way soon im going to Dam the whole river so im not going to have anything to worry about in the long run.....who knows????

All i really understand is that i have today and the soon im going to have to start preparing for tomorrow so lets do this...........

Have You Ever???

Sorry guys i know its been a really long time and i have really wanted to write on this blog, but time just never seems to be on my side in more ways than one but whatever...............
This has been whats going on... I had a small mental break a few days ago and to tell you the truth i dont know what brought it on, but it just got me thinking about the last two years and how scared i am that i have become something that im not... All my life i wanted to be different like i think it would keep me up at night. I would try not to like the same people as everybody else i wanted to be purple when everyone was wearing green...
...Please i failed and eye test on purpose so that i could get glasses because just about everybody else in my class had started to get them and i thought it would be cool to have them too...IDK... Then two years ago i got this chance to be different i found my outlet it made me into something that most people couldnt even imagine, it made me apart of a community that was persecuted,loved,misunderstood, but uniquely itself at all times. I loved it i had finally done it and after alittle apprehension i fully embraced and back more like it..in every faucet of my life...
...but on this day i began to think what if the person that i am now is nothing ore than a creation of what i wanted everybody to think i was and not truly who i am.?????...
...So do i really have value am i a person or the elaborately creations of an artist to fit his own need to be a part of society...... I really dont know and i dont think i ever will so ill just live the one i have and see if the build up has a huge fall...........

So You Like Giving Head?????

I was simply going about my business and looking for a book for school when i decided to stop in the Sprint store...my phone had been acting glitchy and just weird so.......... I give the guy my phone and we start a conversation and go on talking about school and where im from and general stuff like where i go to hang out.... When all of a sudden he ask me about sex and i dont think twice about it im, like im up for anything....Then he ask me if i like to give head and motions toward the back room.......................
*************************************************************************************
So like a good little boy i followed into the back room removed my coat and got on my knees... i preceded to give him the best head of his life and him begging for me to let him climax... then i got a credit added to my account and left the store...
*************************************************************************************
....................... Now that were back in reality i really gave him a look from hell and preceded to explain to him that im not some average whore for of the corner and walked out the store and went to my next class( Events have been dramatized for effect ).... Anyway life is weird and do i really look that gay??????

Now Lets Talk About Friends

Lets talk about friends because in my opinion i don't have very many yeah i know alot of people but i really don't have many friends...... They come few and far between........I talking about people who call you and ask if the world is not falling apart i your time zones.....friends who at the drop of a dime would do anything within their fucking power to make your life better.......People who give a damn about you enough to do more than send you a facebook message......The people who if you don't talk to them in a week will call you ass to make sure your not dead because they know something must be wrong,................and I'm no hypocrite because i fall on both sides of this border line but the people i care about know it and would never think twice about it if i was truly there for them or not.................People who if i call them at 3 am don't fucking ask why are you calling me so late but what fucking took you so long are you okay............you see i dont have many of those type of people..........................And at the deepest core of my being i wish some of my acquaintances would be this way towards me...........because when i fall.... i fall hard and my heart will truly always be with you whether you realize it or not because one of the hardest things in the world is to realize that you arent cared about the way you care....................who is going to be there to CONSOLE THE COUNSELOR.................any answers to that shit ...............i didn't think so.......This Is My Two Weeks Notice...Im Out...

Fuck..........

I fucking hate the world that we are living in its a fucking repulsive and disgusting mess of people and things we just refer to as people. The entire world cries for change they dig deep down into there pockets and shell out change at every fucking chance they get..... well if people reached into there hearts instead of their wallets things might get better people might actually be the change they want to see in the world.... but they fucking don't.... Money money money runs every fucking thing we do and if you don't have it your shit out of luck.............and fuck you the people that say i have empathy for people who don't have it... fuck you unless you've left school and had to call your mom and ask her where to go because you didn't have a home to go back to.... then fucking come and talk to me......
.................And I'm not saying rich people are evil they were born into it or they got lucky and work for it.............but open your pretty fucking eyes and see that the world extends farther than your front lawn no matter how fucking big it may be................I just fucking wish the world would allow people to work and pay things off and allow them a realistic time period in which to make their living because this money now shit has lost its flare.............