There Will Be Tears

I wanna cry

Sometime I just wanna sit in and cry

Rocking so that I can feel these things deep down inside.

Darkness

I wanna cry

Because I can’t burden you with these things that are burdening me

I wanna cry

Because these walls were built without my consent

To contain things that I didn’t want hide deep inside.

I wanna break these windows and shatter these walls

And feel pain so that you know I am hurting.

I wanna cry

Because the grass always looks greener on the other side but when you get there

Its acid yellow and burned to the ground.

I wanna cry

Because I wanna see his fucking face again

And hold him and let him know everything is alright

Because I am disconnected from the people who disconnected me from the disconnected world

I wanna cry

So that you can see these tears, why can’t you see these tears on my dry skin?

Why can you look and see these oceans welling in my eyes.

Comments Will Be Greatly Appreciated (And Bare In Mind Its A Rough Draft)... 

Occupy Your Time

Sooo here is what’s been going on... I feel like if I don’t tell someone I might go crazy. I have for the first time in my life been swamped at school and I’m working a part-time job, attempting to have a social life, and still trying to find time to walk around aimless and preserve my sanity and soul. That is a lofty way of saying that I’m stressed and a little lost right now in my life. I for the most part am just doing school and it seems like the more I try to get ahead the more I’m falling behind. I’m trying to take time and do work to get ahead, but the more time I spend time doing work the more tired I feel it’s like nothing is being accomplished. 

And yes I know that this is all a part of life and growing up (Insert some random saying about the struggles in life make it worth living). I actually had a friend today stop and say that they felt sorry for me because they had never seen me this stressed out about school...smh. Ontop of that money is tight but that nothing new it seems to be the rule not the exception in my life, so I’m not too worried I always seem to find away when I really need to :) The next thing that seems to build off of all this confusion is that I graduate next year and there are hundreds of things that I would like to do with my life and all of the revolve around me moving to NYC and I really don’t think that going to happen right away. I don’t want to be trapped anywhere other than here soo maybe (let me rephrase that maybe to a definitely) 

I’m going to figure out a way to move up here. My next issue kind of falls back to this summer and the SadnessinWaves post from earlier this year. I feel like I’m all talked out about the topic and that there is nothing that I can do to foster my mind growing past this event in my life. It just feels like time is the only thing that will help me move on, but time takes soo long to pass when you really want it to and in the time between point A and B I’m just incredibly sad. And I’m not saying I’ve dawned mascara, black eyeliner, and I’m only wearing black... cause I haven’t I’m just as cheery as ever and I have fun when its available. So I don’t know if sadness is the right word but this weight just needs to leave me. I actually woke up sobbing the other night, and I mean like deep breathes crying for no reason. It’s like something I must have buried is trying to come up. The thing is shit like this doesn’t happen to me.... IDK...

Occupy: Wall Street / DC

So this is a long time coming and ive done a lot of thinking about my position and the statement i wanna make about this occupy movement. This "fad" of occupy came around with the advent of several European countries using the occupation of public spaces to push change in their countries. The most influential movement could be the Occupancy movement  that resulted in the Revolution that occurred in Cairo, which resulted in the leader stepping down from power. This movement in the states is attempting to model themselves after these movement by occupying public spaces, to push for a radical, or should i just say some, change within our government. Our movement revolves around the way our government favors financial institutions. This movement has be active for several weeks now within NYC and has spread to various cities across the country.

With that being said let me start with the good that this movement has done. First this movement has mobilized thousands of people across the country to issues that a normal citizen might not be aware of in their busy day-to-day life. It once it began to receive media attention sparked a realization that the way we have been practicing business isn’t sustainable and is creating strife for the largest portions of the population. And finally it has begun to, with the media attention, draw larger more influential groups to attempt to make change in our financial institutions. (I.e. Unions, Politicians, Lobbyist Groups). The negative is that a lot of the progress that has been made in this short time isn’t a result of the people who are protesting. They had no clear demands at first and presented as a few unorganized force. They have begun to attract and allow people to support them whose goals have mostly nothing to do with the cause they are fighting for, but intern would like the media attention. They also have lost in a large number of ways creditability, and yes if you interview people there is a large possibility the person speaking doesn’t accurately represent the people in question. But with this movement it seems like the large majority has no clue what is going on and have become lost in  the act of "committing and action" (protesting) and not working towards the goal that is in place. 

Also in kind of a side note the people, are in a way complaining that they have lost control of these financial institutions (which I do believe need to be reign in and control Laissez-Faire style capitalism has brought nothing but problems in the last few years, and truthfully is not a good idea.) but they are now allowing others politicians to control the outcome of this movement, no organized message has been present on how to fix the issue most of the people just want it fixed. This mind set got us into the problems we are in now. 

But in the long run this movement is a good thing it has brought to light and foster discussion on a topic that needed to be addressed and changed, I just hope that the thousands of people who are participating in this movement now will also write letters, vote, and pressure our political systems to change instead of just hoping that somebody will fix it. Though the other day one of my best friends "B" said that I had some great points, but at the end of the day there are thousands of people marching in the streets and that has to stand for something. I believe he is right and I hope change for the better is on its way....

How Did We Let Things Get This Far, And Shouldn’t We As Citizens Take Some Of The Blame????

P.S.

The behavior of the NYPD has been crazy and extremely unprefessional updates to follows.

Occupy Your Mind

This is just a precursor to the next string of post that I’m writing... (I promise that i'll have two done before the weekend is over). I honor or mostly to have commentary on the occupy Wall Street movement that is currently happening in NYC (with subsequent movement in places like DC) I am creating an "Occupy Your Mind" series on my blog. Some of it will be about me; some of it will be about music, the political situation, what I have that's occupying my mind. Sooo I hope to hear from you guys soon... And What Do We Really Have Occupying Our Mind???  

.:Sadness In Waves:.

                               Soo I'm going to tell you this now, this will not be a long post. I just kinda needed to talk and see if i could get this off of my mind. I'v been through a few waves of sadness this summer. But the last wave was definitely the worst or at least the most challenging. I dealt with the wave when it crashed and I've been shaking it off. I thought that i was doing well til a few days ago. I was just finished packing my stuff up and i fell asleep in my bed. I had a crazy dream one i think ill go into detail about some other time. I woke up crying, literally i sat up with tears streaming down my face. This has never happened to me before, it was so wild. Soo now i understand that this particular wave of sadness isn't finished yet and im getting a little battered by the wave. I feel like it goes away and then come back a little stronger and darker. But i have have faith that things will get better... Right???


Winehouse On Repeat... Or At Least Winehouse Bring Me Peace...

You Always Remember Your "First's "

   Considering this summer has been full of Firsts for me i feel like this random thought should be immortalized in blog form. Some of these first have been good for me and others have been bad, but Ive come to realize that this is all a part of life... My thought is that your "First's" usually carry a lot of baggage because they emotionally are one sided. Your first Kiss, or the First person you've ever had sex with, you share a deeper connection with them than you will with the others even if you don't understand the

Random Fact: I Took This Photo In Amsterdam...

 gravity of it. The problem is that the person on the other side of this equation usually: A. doesn't know its your first time, and B. Don't share the connection you do to this moment. This leads to your first being bittersweet. I know my first kiss was cute and i was only 6 years old... But my first real kiss was awesome and emotional, and i never spoke to that person again its not my fault they moved away. The first person i had sex with i haven't spoken to since, but that might actually be a good thing :) Away I've had some amazing "First's" even if the only mattered to me, and that's the point i think I'm tryin to drag out of this stream of conscience, that you should cherish your first because they shape the person you are and potentially the person you become (they usually influence who your second is). Have "First's" experiences, luvs, kisses, sex... just be careful who they are with.

P.S.
Speaking of first i just found this guy (he's a first for me) so i think you should check him out Real HipHop :) Pete Phill  http://petephilly.com/#/music/movin_on/
  Mystery Repeats                    Mindstate

Why Radio Sucks ( Think About It )...

                                                                                                                                                          By the time you read this its going to be the 4th or 5th draft because i need to get all my thoughts organized... I was going do do this post after spending 12 hours in a car and going across several states listening to the radio. But no I'm super upset because the VMA's just did the most half ass tribute to Amy Winehouse. And if you didn't know she was one of my favorite artist of all time...
... So I did a run to NYC this weekend to drop off some stuff and i always drive so i was in a car for an extended amount of time. The radio was on constantly. Several of my favorite artist were blasting, a few of which I'm going to give shoot outs too because the world is a better place if more people had there stuff... Kelly Rowland, Adele, Katie Perry , And Lupe Fiasco.  The problem was that other than these people i might have heard 5 more artist. It became an endless cycle of singles from the same artist. Different stations and at times different states. How in the world of probability should this be possible. I luv music I search for it, look for it, and seek it out whenever i get the chance. Soo i have it on good authority that there are more than 10 artist in the world that we should be listen to on the radio. And i know radio is all tied up in sponsorship and funding nowadays but damn, whatever happen to a radio

station playing good music because it was good music... im jus saying... Then Tonight The VMA's came on, i didn't watch the whole thing mostly (though the trend has changed in the last 3 years or soo) because its all about limelight artist not musical artist. Case and Point allowing Lil Wayne's non singing ass to preform How To Love, which to tell you the truth if a real singer would sing over it and just have him rap would be an awesome song. But no he was up on stage struggling through the few bars of the chorus. But they've done a lot of things right like Florence And The Machines performance last year or Adele's stellar performance this year. Not to mention they let Jessie J sing as the house band all night (didn't luv the album, but the girl has an amazing voice/ id pay to see her live). Anyway they come to this Amy Winehouse tribute that clearly was not thought out, stumbled over, and was not fit for the amazing artist she was. Outside of the drama, cameras, and her mistakes. The woman drove record sales that made history and broke records, she created memorable videos, and did some of the best collaborations in her short career in the limelight. Frank, Back To Black, Not to mention the amazing B-sides and Remixes.

Random Fact: I Luv Prince 

Then I think to add insult to injury these MotherF*ckers (this the first time I've cursed on here in awhile) Let Bruno Mars singe Valerie which is one of my favorite Amy Winehouse songs. And i don't dislike Bruno Mars he does make some good music, in fact he falls into that group of the other ten artist i heard on the radio. But the fact remains he had not business singing an Amy Winehouse song. Worst decision is recent music history second only to BET in their wisdom allowing Trey Songs (another artist that i don't hate) to sing a cover of Purple Rain during a Prince tribute a few years ago... IDK what to do its the nature of the music industry that some people make it and some don't. That amazing artist sit and wait for their chance... people like Voli for example... and other people (I'm not going to name names make it to only burn out because they have no real talent just the ability to make Pop phenomena )...

No worries though there are good people collecting music, example you ask well i always promote good music soo no worries and DCtoBC always have the scope on good music... And I'm going to end with this You Don't Have To Like What I Say But Please Always Listen...